The rainforests downfall.

Well, only a hand-full of people read my blog, and of the people that read this that I will actually meet are people who know me well enough not to care, so I'm going to blog some stuff. Well, about Catherine's dad actually. Why? Because I saw him today!! and why is that so shocking? He's supposed to be in jail! Victim support told me he'd have 5 months in prison, or 3 in home detention. And why was he in there? I have a protection order against him and he rang me. Not major you think but it has a really bad effect on me. Anyhow, I just rang the police, made a complaint and they arrested him. So he's not in jail now. But why... WHY was he STANDING outside the school gate? Was he waiting for us or not? He smiled at me and I smiled back but when I got home I got depressed. And of course I start to think about what he was thinking. I know him pretty well, and if he was waiting he was probably p*****d off and paranoid, but then when he saw me, he probably realised I wasn't working the streets and his mood changed. That's just how I start to think when I even see him, coz he always thought the worst of me. He thought I was a child molestor. He thought I prostituted myself to "old men" for money (because I couldn't have possibly saved all that money, even though I had a good paying job), oh yeah, my job, he thought I was screwing my boss, and everybody at church but wouldn't admit to it coz I was saving reputations. I'm just blogging this. It's probably wrong. We are not supposed to look for sympathy or get retribution here on earth, but it's not many people who will read this. For the rest of world I will just look like a promiscuious girl. But I was planning to marry him. I keep thinking "why did God come to my rescue all of a sudden? Was it because the last thing I said to him was that I was willing to marry Nigel and suffer for the rest of my life because I can't escape him he's too strong for me"?
My daughter is kissing me on the cheeks right now, saying "what does it say"
When I met him I thought he was intriguing. He had all these really different ideas, and because I had a mum with mental illness I was totally open to it. His mum told him I was an angel (which I thought was blasphemous!) and his brother was downstairs in his room hearing voices of samoan witch spirits who told him I was evil and had to go. I thought I was it! they must be scared of Jesus in me. He also heard Island drums, and when Nigel moved into his room, we were in there and we heard the drums!! I told a friend and she asked if we were on drugs. Actually, he was. Marijana (spelling??) and he became addicted to it. Why would a good christian girl get involved with a guy like that you ask? I honestly thought "He's gonna have a great testimony"!! I thought it was black and white. I'd heard them all. I pray for him, ten years max, and he gets saved. Well, it's been over ten years, and he's still living his own life. Oh yeah, did I tell you I was so enamoured with myself I thought I was going to go to heaven as a matyr? He told me he was going to break my neck and bury me in the back yard. I used to lie there with his arm around my neck, twitching , waiting to die. He had a spade in his room. Can you beleive it? and did you know? Makes a good story. I have things I couldn't even tell you. I probably shouldn't even tell you this. It's not gonna be remembered in the long run. God will make my story his. I was tring to created my own. I think I'll end it, it's getting too gratuitious. bye.

You know, sometimes you just can't help but be proud of stuff. Those are the ruffle bags I have made for this weekends Craft Revolution craft fair. I 've done sewing, but it turns out the they were really hoping to have my wall decals there, so I'll be spending the week getting those together. But that's an aside.... CHECK OUT THE PANTS... this is what I love about them.... I copied a pair Catherine had already, made the pattern from newspaper, used an offcut of material that only cost $3 a metre to begin with, and put 2 rows of elastic in the waiste that was a bulk buy to look like a big fat piece of expensive elastic... and look at them! They have a crease in the front and everything. Catherine hasn't tried them on yet... I hope they fit, coz I'm way proud of these!

I'm a fool...

I'm a fool!! Everything I am hearing is telling me I DON'T have the answers and God is not obliged to tell me. Why are there still births to loving parents? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does God heal someone's back, but they still have constant headaches? Why does God allow child abuse? Why is God silent when we need Him most? Why do the innocent suffer? Why are people born with diseases? Why is nature so cruel? Why do people kill each other? and why does God allow it all?
God is not obliged to tell me and if I think I know I'm kidding myself? We may never know in this life. I just need to leave it in God's hands, let Him be God, and just take Him at His word, when He says He IS good.

so much for that

Okay, I'm regretting my last post. So much for that. I lay in bed last night with the voice of Joice Myer ringing in my ears... "You don't need to know the reason for why things happen. If you think you know why, you're just fooling yourself, because God's ways are unsearchable... you've just found something that satisfies your brain..."
Back to the un-deep and meaningful for me... I've made a whole batch of ruffle bags, which I will post soon.

Book - Faith in the Night Seasons

I am re-reading a book called "Faith in the Night Seasons" by Nancy Missler which answered alot of questions for me. Now I have had my own night season, and sorry to keep repeating myself , but 7 years of Schitzophrenia is a BIG DEAL.
This book says that every christian will go through a time of darkness, and it's God's way of stripping us of EVERYTHIOG we cling to, and replacing it with himself. Quote:" If we can only remember that the Holy Spirit has lead us to this place ON PURPOSE. He desires not only to replace us with himself, but also make us holy so we can fellowship and commune with himself" It's funny, but I read this book just before it happened but still I fought against it. I argued, I tested, , I blasphemed... I told God "Kill me NOW... I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning" Probably why it took me so long to get through it. It finally brought me to a place of honesty with God " I can't cope... I'm tempted!"
Apparently these are some of the questions we are not supposed to ask:
"Why is this happening to me?"
"Is God angry with me?"
"How could a loving Father ever od this to HIs child?"
"WHat did I do to deserve it?"
"Doesn't He even care?"
"Why has He forsaken me?"
"What am I doing wrong?"
"Why did He geve me so much light and then turn it off?"
"Why has He broken His promises to me?"
"How can I ever trust Him again?"
"Why has He made Himself out to be my enemy?"

I kinda don't agree 1. because sometimes I still ask some of those and 2. because they are genuine questions! Altough is does say, if you do, you will spiral downwards into despair, which is what did happen. But also because this book has answered some of those.
The bible says we are like GOLD. And how do you purify gold? By putting it in intense heat. The fire, until it comes to the point where no more fire is needed because all the dross has been removed and the remaing impurities will just brush off. I like that. I've wondered why God decided to release me from it all, and that must be why. You know the hardest thing for me to believe? That God has a good plan for me. I think I thought of him as a big meany, and I hurt my daughter as a resulf. But the bible says that God does not WILLINGLY afflict His children... he disciplines in love.
I told her last night that I was sorry for hurting her and big tears welled up in her eyes. I think she holds alot of pain because of the rage I've had. And I think its because I thought that God took pleasure in hurting me, so I passed it on to her. I hope that God will help me be kind to her and remember He does everything in love and with constraint.

Craft Revolution, here I come~

Here is a link for my write up on the Craft Revolution blog. It's this Queen Birthday weekend in Howick. Details are on the site.

Well, whadaya know?

The day after I do my fake blog interview, I get the chance to do the real thing... in a small way. This years Original Art Show sent an email asking for a brief statement about ourselves for the catalogue. Here's what I wrote....

My name is Janet Dick and I am a South Aucklander born and raised. As a 31 year old mother of one, I paint for pleasure. Subject matter is not always important to me, but I enjoy portaits as a form of character study. Alot of my work recently has been the faces of those in poverty. This has mainly been influenced by my decision to donate $200 from each sale to help struggling families in the third world. My chosen charity is Child Fund "Gifts that grow", where you can check out my personal page at www.childfundchallenge.co.nz/JanetDick.

Etsy's featured seller interview.

Well, I've decided since I may never make it as Etsy's featured seller, I'm gonna make believe I am! Here's my interview!....

Tell us about yourself.

I am a quiet 31 year old mother of an outgoing little 5 year old girl. I first worked as a signwriter when I was 17 , learnt the trade and met alot of hard case people. I started my own company, Define Design in 2005, but am now throwing myself into arts and cratfs because my desire for happiness is exclipsing my desire for cash!

Apart from creating things, what do you do?

Well, nothing much exciting... I spend alot of time trying to keep the house from looking like a bomb-site (and I'm not even particularly a neat-freak). I like to read books, especially the bible and the classics. I am in a little church band called "New Zill" (based on how kiwi's pronounce New Zealand) and I garden when I'm in the mood and I have a 1979 Datsun Sunny which I am doing up.

What made you want to become an artist?

Well, I remember as a kid, I would draw a picture and I can remember kids saying "FAR! Are you going to be an ARTIST when you grow up?" (insert South Auckland accent here)

As far as craft goes, I remember making pompoms when I was ten and selling them at school. I've always enjoyed making things, could knit when I was eight and was a prolific cross stitcher starting at around 11.

What hand-made possession do you cherish the most?

I have a cool wooden pastry board made by my Dad. When he retired he set about tring to make the perfect pastry... and then he showed me how. It fits perfectly into the sink one way, for washing, and just fits over it the other way.

In ten years, where would you like to be?

I'd like to be looking back at the previous ten years saying "Man, I really made the most of that!"

Justin Bieber

Because I love good song lyrics I just had to share these unbelievably profound lyrics by Justin Bieber... latest singing sensation. SING everyone...

And now I'm like

Baby, baby, baby noo

I'm like Baby, baby, baby noo

I'm like Baby, baby, baby noo

I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

Baby, baby, baby noo

I'm like Baby, baby, baby noo

I'm like Baby, baby, baby noo

I thought you'd always be mine

And now I'm like

Baby, baby, baby

Why I'm not into politics

It got me thinking after coming across this blog - very passionate and very articulate strongly opposing Obabma and the health reforms. How interesting, thought I. Mainly because, not usually being very interested, the only other commentary I ever get on the subject apart from New Zealand media, is on this blog (Mark!). Two sides of the coin, both passionate, both with good points to make, and both completely opposite.

Well, to cut it short, I have this view; there is no political system or theory that cannot be corrupted by human nature. Although not well read, I did look up a Wiki on Marxism. Great theory! Too bad for the atrocities and and corruption that was Communism. Too far right, we get homelessness and beggers. Too far left we get welfare dependence (and at worst, communism).

I actually enjoy the fact that NZ politics swings from centre left to centre right quite regularly. Quite a safe place to be.

When God wants to drill a man

When God wants to drill a man,
And thrill a man,
And skill a man,
When God wants to mold a man
To play the noblest part;
When He yearns with all His heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world will be amazed,
Watch His methods, watch His ways!
How He ruthlessly perfects
Whom He royally elects!
How He hammers him and hurts him,
And with mighty blows converts him
Into trial shapes of clay which
Only God understands:
While his tortured heart is crying,
And he lifts beseeching hands!
How He bends but never breaks
When his good He undertakes:
How He uses whom He chooses,
And with every purpose uses him;
By every act induces him
To try His splendor out-
God know what He's about!

Craft Revolution...

Well, here are some pictures to make the last three days of gardening look wimsical and magical :P

Although, to be fair, right now there are parts of the garden that actually give me satisfaction now... so that's good.

But guess what? I am going to be in a craft fair in Howick, Auckland. It's new, and the first one is on Queens Birthday, June the 5th. SO EXCITING!!

Here's the link.... Craft Revolution. I get to sell my bags... yay! And I have heaps of ideas of things I want to make these coming weeks...

song

Here's a song I wrote this weekend for our little band, New Zill. I couldn't find an appropriate picture so I'm using this one... yum!

Verse 1.

When darknessabounds, and peril surrounds

It seems like God is not there

We wait patiently, a future we see

Beyond our sorrow and care

Chorus:

God will wipe away every tear

The time for justice will soon be here

The meek will rise and inherit the earth

And groaning creation will have it's rebirth

Verse 2.

The wrong will be righted, the crops that were blighted

Will spring, like our lives, bright and new

The widow defended, injustice now ended

The words of the bible are true

Verse 3.

Don't be decieved about what you've received

All good things come from Him

Although far away, we wait for the day

We'll see through that glass that is dim.

Car boot sale

Well... I did it! I rose at the unearthly hour of 6am (without feeling like I could club somebody to death with my bare hands), got Catherine ready and drove all the way to Manurewa and set up shop in the Car Boot sale... I sold a total of 1 decal.... but considering someone took my card and made an appointment to get me to measure up for some shop signage I think it was worth the 5 bucks.

I was secretly hoping that would happen... I guess not so secretly turning up with a signwritten vehicle and business cards. (That's not a picture of the actual sale btw... I did a trial run at home first, I was so excited..)

I still love sewing. I could do it all day... but I don't think South Auckland is the best place to sell handcrafted bags when everybody around you is selling boxes full of good stuff for a dollar each.

Oh yeah... I met another signwriter!! I miss hanging out with signwriters. Of course he had a yarn to spin.... the apprentice of my old boss worked for him (he'd been the president of the sign association no less!) and he'd died from hang gliding 3 months before his wedding day. His bride wore her wedding dress to the funeral. Sad... but probably a while ago now. Should of asked him if he knew Marty. Long story. Another sad one so I might tell it later.