Monday, May 31, 2010

The rainforests downfall.

Well, only a hand-full of people read my blog, and of the people that read this that I will actually meet are people who know me well enough not to care, so I'm going to blog some stuff. Well, about Catherine's dad actually. Why? Because I saw him today!! and why is that so shocking? He's supposed to be in jail! Victim support told me he'd have 5 months in prison, or 3 in home detention. And why was he in there? I have a protection order against him and he rang me. Not major you think but it has a really bad effect on me. Anyhow, I just rang the police, made a complaint and they arrested him. So he's not in jail now. But why... WHY was he STANDING outside the school gate? Was he waiting for us or not? He smiled at me and I smiled back but when I got home I got depressed. And of course I start to think about what he was thinking. I know him pretty well, and if he was waiting he was probably p*****d off and paranoid, but then when he saw me, he probably realised I wasn't working the streets and his mood changed. That's just how I start to think when I even see him, coz he always thought the worst of me. He thought I was a child molestor. He thought I prostituted myself to "old men" for money (because I couldn't have possibly saved all that money, even though I had a good paying job), oh yeah, my job, he thought I was screwing my boss, and everybody at church but wouldn't admit to it coz I was saving reputations. I'm just blogging this. It's probably wrong. We are not supposed to look for sympathy or get retribution here on earth, but it's not many people who will read this. For the rest of world I will just look like a promiscuious girl. But I was planning to marry him. I keep thinking "why did God come to my rescue all of a sudden? Was it because the last thing I said to him was that I was willing to marry Nigel and suffer for the rest of my life because I can't escape him he's too strong for me"?
My daughter is kissing me on the cheeks right now, saying "what does it say"
When I met him I thought he was intriguing. He had all these really different ideas, and because I had a mum with mental illness I was totally open to it. His mum told him I was an angel (which I thought was blasphemous!) and his brother was downstairs in his room hearing voices of samoan witch spirits who told him I was evil and had to go. I thought I was it! they must be scared of Jesus in me. He also heard Island drums, and when Nigel moved into his room, we were in there and we heard the drums!! I told a friend and she asked if we were on drugs. Actually, he was. Marijana (spelling??) and he became addicted to it. Why would a good christian girl get involved with a guy like that you ask? I honestly thought "He's gonna have a great testimony"!! I thought it was black and white. I'd heard them all. I pray for him, ten years max, and he gets saved. Well, it's been over ten years, and he's still living his own life. Oh yeah, did I tell you I was so enamoured with myself I thought I was going to go to heaven as a matyr? He told me he was going to break my neck and bury me in the back yard. I used to lie there with his arm around my neck, twitching , waiting to die. He had a spade in his room. Can you beleive it? and did you know? Makes a good story. I have things I couldn't even tell you. I probably shouldn't even tell you this. It's not gonna be remembered in the long run. God will make my story his. I was tring to created my own. I think I'll end it, it's getting too gratuitious. bye.

1 comment:

Luarna said...

my dear friend
I'm so glad you got out of that when you did. God is... actually i dont know the word. i dont think there is one. rescuer? life saver? everything? Once again thanks for opening up. some of that i didn't know and it helps me understnad better where you were at and how far it went. "it" being 'him' and the illness. You know what? It's you that has the amazing story. ever thought of that? Well gotta go. Baby Isaac is making numm numm noises so i guess it's feeding time again. (how on earth did you do it with Catherine?)