You know what? sometimes I dream of the perfect life. Or actually, just a different life. I dream of "independence". Living in a little flat supporting myself. It's probably really ungrateful, probably stupid too, to dream of living beneath my current situation, but to be honest, I feel like a bit of a looser still living at home with "Mummy". I dream of having my own freezer, and scouring the grocery leaflets to see what's on special, and cooking and freezing econimical meals to save money. I actually dream of paying my own bills, buying my own food, putting pennies aside for birthdays and christmas and making popcorn christmas decorations. I have friends who are just getting by, and I'm jealous. Stupid huh? But they get the satifaction of knowing that they managed on their own. They scrimped and saved, bought their own house, and they'll be able to look back at the tough times and be proud of how they made it through.
And this is the best blog entry I have ever read. What a dream! But I know the truth. The only difference between me and her is a little thing called "gratitude". And if I'm really honest with myself, sometimes when I really start to day dream about the things I'd like it starts to go a bit like this "I'd have to move out then build some compost bins (just like the ones we have), and dig up the lawn and make a garden (a bit like the one we have), and I'd like a gas stove (like ours) and I'd definitely have to have to have a garage full of tools (like the one I have now) and...... DOH! what's wrong with me??? I'm pretty much set up right now! I guess it's just true... the grass is always greener....
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4 comments:
In reference to your "dream of the perfect life". I dont see why you can't do all those things you mentioned now. The only bit I see that you can't do is buy a house cause your parents have made sure you are provided fro in that repect. As for living at home. Your Mum needs you doesn't she. Dont you kinda need each otjher. you to look after her and her to help with Catherine. Quite a good set up really. I cna understand when you wish for the "other life" but it's not all roses. infact it's realy hard at times.
Oh adn i dont think your a "looser" fro being home with your mum. You're amazing fro sacrificing that part fo your life to care for her. God will honor you for it. just you watch and see.
Um, I don't pay my own bills or buy the groceries because it would be a waiste of money. Mum can afford it and because I'm giving up my indepence to look after her I would resent giving up most of my income when she can afford it. I guess she does help me with Catherine. But she is also really negative and it affects me.
oh. I didn't realise. Sorry
that's ok!! I'm feeling happy today. I guess I'm just as negative as mum.... having two melancholy personalities in one house doesn't help I spose !
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