Letter to the system

To the Mental Health professionals

After having a recent discussion with a friend over my experiences with Schizphrenia and the mental health system in New Zealand, she encouraged me to share it with people involved in the system, as a person who has had the illness and can now look back with a clear mind.
Some things I would like to point out.

No one ever really took the time to explain the basics of Schizphrenia and how medication can help. The term “chemical imballance” is way too vague and explains little. If the time was taken to explain in laymens terms – that there is a chemical which occurs naturally in the brain called Dopamine which, when there is too much of it, distorts your vision and perception. That the brain is made of neurons which connect in response to different memories and sensations and can misconnect and that the medication restores all this (by suppressing the dopamine). That the medication doesn't alter the natural balance of the brain, instead it restores it to what it was (and that's how a pill can change your thoughts) would probably go a long way to getting people to take their medication. (I didn't take my medication regularly until a friend who was studying at University explained this to me, and even in the throws of Schitzphrenia it made so much sense that I took my medication regularly from then on, even when it didn't seem to make a difference for over 5 years).

In the end it took over five years of experimentation to me on the right kind and doseage of medication. For over five years while on medication I experienced paranoia, loss of concentration and depression, all the while being told that I was actually what they considered well now. There was a point after around five years where I breifly stopped taking my medication, because if this was “better”, then what difference did it make to take it? “Better” was horrible and my future seemed hopeless. Although I guess I have to admit my doctor must have done the best she could with the information I gave her, (so I am to blame for that myself) it was my initial education from my friend outside the mental health system that made me perservere for so long.

I'd also like to add, that tems like 'phsycosis' and 'the prodromal period' are terms I learnt on the internet. Some kind of education would have helped me, because its all a vague scarey experience until you find some of this stuff out and can put a label or explanation to some of your experiences.

A last thing I'd like to add. I'm sure there are good reasons for asking the same questions everytime, as schizphrenia has such varied symptoms, but when I went through my period of phycosis, having a wide range of different hallucinations one after another, when asked by my respite workers for the third day in a row if the television was talking to me, I went to the tv to find out if it was and sure enough it was! (In other words, the suggestion itself produced the result).

Just some thoughts.
Thanks.
Janet Dick.

bliss

Things I knew at ten

1. If it's dirty, don't stand around complaining... just clean it
2. You don't need money to be happy
3. Life is not fair
4. Practice makes perfect
5. Don't cry over spilt milk
6. Don't gossip...
7. Stand up to bullies, and stick up for the bullied
8. It's ok to be happy
9. I'm lucky
10 God IS good.

Ah! epiphanies at the bach

You know... maybe I'm allowed to be happy. Maybe it's my life and I can cruise off to our bach and enjoy stillness if I want to. Maybe I don't have to enjoy playgroup with chattering children (and parents) if I don't want to. Maybe it's ok I enjoy silence and the sound of my own thoughts the best... maybe God made me that way... and maybe it's ok. Maybe I don't have to smile insipidly at the guy in the diary to show Christian "love" like a total friutloop and maybe I don't have to give up my dignity because I think it may be pride. Maybe I can be friendly in my own way... maybe I can have friends yet still have my own life! (I can't understand the way some people live in each others pockets... maybe thats them... and this is me?)

Bird feeder

Hi Hayden! This one (pictured) is actually the best bird feeder we have, although it might just be because of the season we bought it in. During winter time we fill it up and the bird seed is gone within a day... and you can get a big bag of wild bird seed at the pet shop for under $10.

The one with the bread in it hasn't been so successful...although it may just take a while for the birds to realise there's food there, and also... we're coming into spring so maybe the bird have other sources of food now??

Spring is coming

Spring will be here soon, and I'm getting ready with an early sowing of seeds. Fingers crossed for my big show of flowers this year!

Todays work - Saturday

Bought a bird feeder today! I was sposed to make one, but it's been around 10 years since I said that and so when I saw one in the garden centre for $21 I thought I'd stop fooling myself and bought it.
Done a spot of gardening too. The cabbages I bragged about were tiny little balls of mush. Probably because I just left them for about 3 months! I'm not that realiable any more, but I'm trying to relearn the things I knew when I was ten. (Like.. don't wait till you "feel" like doing something... just do it!)
Spring is coming around the corner, so I'm preparing the bed for seedlings. I'm thinking of planting a whole lot of flowers... which Dad would never have done... but I guess I can do what I like now.. and I'm kidding myself every time a plant veges... 80% get chucked out!

Todays work

Well this turned out mint! I was pretty happy with it, and that's saying something. It was raining all day though... but decided to go ahead.. and now I know signwriting in the rains not impossible. (I was worried about the backing paper getting wet.. but I just had to be careful..) and I bribed Catherine with chocolate if she would stay inside with Nana and be good. Chocolate works!

My day, my life...

Geeze... talk about moody. Today I slept in till 11.00 with a hot water bottle coz I just couldn't face the day. I think it was coz yesterday I read a book called "his brain, her brain", a christian book for married couples and I was like "I have nobody to support me!" boo hoo for me... and then I knew I had to see a client today to measure her car and I dragged myself out of bed and read word for today which was along the lines of Strengthen the weak hands and make strong the feeble knees.. and I took a bit of courage and then the phone rang and it was a customer ordering a couple of signs from me (that was significant, because according to the book women have a deep need for financial security.. and I need to look to God for that) and then I was off, and I arrived and she kind of perked me up by the time I left and then I was fine.

I yelled at Catherine alot though, coz I was like, I don't have the strength to be super mum today.

The drip is a design for a magnet by the way. The cars coming in next week . That'll be a bit more money in the bank account too.

Be encouraged!

I've been so encouraged lately. Ian Grant said at church last week "Be encouraged! There's people only you can talk to" and I believed him! (I want to be just like him... he's COOL).
Anyway, feeling all enouraged one morning, driving to the bach with Catherine, I saw my logo splashed all across a big billboard by the motorway and gave a big Whooop!
(Next day I went back and took a photo. This guy let me stand on the back of his truck to take it! and I said to him"I designed that!" . fun...)

Looks great!

I just realised how negative I can be. I expect my clients to give me huge praise.. and when I get a "thats fantasitic.. thanks" I interpret it as a "that's not terrible". If I get a "thanks" its a "below average but thanks" and if I get a "can you change it a bit" its a "you're USELESS".
Today I got a "looks great"... I think I'll try to take that at face value...

A fridge!

I decided to be less of martyr and get me a fridge for my garage. (well, it's a loan fridge that came along at the right time... was going to get one anyway) Anyway... mmm... its got pita bread, fancy cheese, hummus, 3 (yes three) king size bars of chocolate HAHA ... yum! oh yeah and fresh orange juice. I'm probably gonna start gaining weight, coz most the time I just drink tea all day and only eat dinner... but NO MORE... I have FOOD! my own food that's my own, that no-one else can eat. My little slice of independence in the garage. Yes, I know I sound like I'm seventeen... you get that way living with your mother... but I'm trying to reach a happy medium.. look after Mum and not end up like an adolesent FOREVER>.