Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Nathanaels 2nd birthday

Ok... I'm not really into kids and I hate parties. It's terrible to say that, I know, but it's true. (nb. I am into my kid though!!) But since I've been seeing a psychologist, and pin pointed the fact that I have a social phobia, its kinda changed my thinking a bit... actually, I don't know how I got from trying not to freak out around people to taking control of my whole life, but anyway... it's kind of my homework to go to stuff, and practice certain thought techniques. My mantra this week has been 'You don't know what they're thinking, you don't know what they're thinking'. (I tend to be very negative and assume the worst... all the time!... even with my closest friends). So anyway.. to cut a long story short, I've been invited to Nigel and Julia (Harknesses) toddlers second birthday. Actually, there's a whole chunk of the story missing. I REALLY, really, really want to move out, but decided not to be impulsive. I've been playacting at being in need and having to live to a budget, because that's what I would LOVE to do, so I playact, and imagine I need to save every penny, when really, all my bills are paid by Mum. Anyway... Mum doesnt know yet. Shell feel rejected, but I don't feel bad, because if I move out I plan to come visit pretty much everyday. (My office will still be in this room, but I'll be able to go home and have a bit of indepence.) Anyway... even if it never happens, I feel a whole lot better knowing I have the choice! Anyway. About the blocks! I've decided that if I move out, I really will have to save every single penny, so I decided to make Nathaneals present, and also try and understand "occasions", and make Catherine a party dress out of material I already have... and it feels like my life has purpose, coz I'm not playacting! I need to save, and I can justify spending time making stuff instead of buying it because I really will need to... and do need to if I have to save in order to move out. Yay!
(ok. I just read that. I know my life has a purpose. The trouble is, I don't know what it is really, and would like to know!)

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