Me in a nutshell

Man. I thought this was going to be done in a day and I was going to give a discount.. but they keep changing there mind, so I'm gonna charge the full price. This is actually the only work I've done all day. First I went to see a pschologist (more later), and then I decided to go get a haircut... then this only took like 20 mins, i suppose. Lucky for some, huh?

I'm learning alot of interesting things about m yself from the pschologist. She does such alot in such a small ammount of time! Week one, she said I had a social phobia, which I didnt know I had... week two we just talked about me and my background... and today she put it all into graph form and pretty much summerised how things all lead up to this point.

Basically - I was naturally introverted as a child, and possibly genetically disposed to being shy (my Dad was a bit shy), I was an only child... I never had the opportunity to do much "unstructured" play (I had a very structured upbringing), and always had a bit of a sense that I was different from others (maybe having a mum with an illness). THEN, the stresses in my life... my Dad passing away and then going flatting... the sense of having structure totally went out the door and an increase in social demands of getting older and then finally the mental illness which increase my feeling of being "different" .

THEN... An example of a trigger situation would be dropping Catherine off to kindy... triggers off all these internal beliefs I have developed ("I'm different, I'm weird, I'm not a good Mum, I'm not maternal...) then I become really self aware and "inward" and that makes me use "safety behaviors".. like looking away, avoiding getting there at times when everybody else is there, which means I avoid s ituations which means I think I can't do it, which spirals into a self fulfilling thing.

Well, that's me in a nut shell!!.. Next week, is dealing w ith some of the ingrained beleifs i have and coping mechanisms I have.

Can you believe thats' only 3 one hour long sessions?