Racism

So I'm sitting here at the computer just now, waiting to wake up, and Catherine comes up to me and asks me what 'ching chong' means. It's a racist term Catherine. "What's racist?" So I just spent the last minute or two trying to explain to Catherine aged 9 what racism is. I guess that's pretty cool aye? She didn't know. Well, we live in South Auckland, a melting pot of cultures. I don't know why I never explained this stuff to her before... it's just been christianity all the way I guess. I remember trying to explain to her what feminism is... but it just went totally over her hear as well.
Anyway, I thought I'd squeeze in a little blog post before I head off :)

I tagged my cousin in this image on Facebook by the way... he lives in Takapuna and I live in South Auckland.... gotta laugh.

So day one of the big cyclone. Someone put this up on facebook... I thought I'd share...

Just a bit rainy and windy really.

Hey, I just noticed they spelt 'will' wrong. Haha. Anyways...

For those worried about us here, not much to worry about really. I think other parts of the country got hit a bit worse, but as usual Auckland got off lightly.

I woke up at 7.30 this morning and I feel great!...

Is something I never would have said a month ago!
In fact I'd wake up groggily at 8.15 and not fully wake up untill, say, 10 am.

So... I've had to put some new boundaries in place. Catherines new friend starting arriving at our house at around 7.30 in the morning and because I couldn't wake up, they'd go hard out baking in my kitchen, using all my ingredients, leaving out all the packets and leaving me a big mess for when I got up. And helping themselves to breakfast, half eating stuff and waisting it.
At first I didn't want to be a big meany, so I let them. But I would get angrier and angrier every morning until I realised, It's MY house dammit. I pay the damn rent and I don't have to put up with this!

But even to get up early enough to supervise them took a big change.

I've been going to church study groups, youth group, craft group sometimes 3 or 4 times a week and getting home at sometimes 9.30 at night and not falling asleep till sometimes 11 or 12. No wonder I couldn't get up.
So all of a sudden I decided, ok, Catherines bedtime is going back to a strict 8pm, and mine is a strict 9pm.
(I went to bed regually at 9pm pre-2001 and my life was great! And I was relatively successful in life. Ahhh... those were the days.)
So basically no more mid-week church activities for me any more! I can't handle it. Let alone the petrol! On $20 a week food alone, I have a right to say no and just look after me and Catherine for now. Especially while shes so young.

A sign.... and our dumb Government

Still chugging away at my sign but in typical Auckland fashion, although its summer and was sweltering yesterday, I had to come inside because of rain. And now that I'm sitting down to blog, I see it's sunny again!

Well, here's what I managed yesterday...

Here's what I managed this morning before the rain shower...

more to come!

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And on a darker note. Here's what came in the mail yesterday

Yes. A referendum from our Government asking us if we support them selling 49% of our national assets.

We all know what's going to happen people.

It's going to be at least 80% against and they'll do it anyway.

Prove me wrong but voting them out doesnt do much coz whoever we get thinks they know better than us and does whatever they want. Theyll do this one for sure before we have a chance to vote them out anyway.

That's the plan

So I thought I'd put this in a separate post incase the people googling "Cheap Lip Balm Recipe" read this.

This is for my blog friends really.

So I went to WINZ on Wednesday, and they basically told me I have to be working 20 hours a week or my benifit gets cut. Now I'm self employed, doesn't that count for anything? I asked.

Nope. Doesn't count sorry.

You have 4 weeks to get back to us. Work or study or we will basically decide for you.

So, at first I was in a big huff. I was all for selling all my stuff I'd only just finished collecting for my flat and moving back to Mum's... but since I can't stand not having my own space I was actually seriously considering pitching a tent out the back!! "I'm totally gonna get on the news" thinks I. Drama Queen I know.

Basically my reasoning was if I can just cut my expenses right down they won't be breathing down my neck. And I didn't want to give up my business. 

But you know how I am with that... I've quit my business like 5 times now. 

Long story short....

I decided to skim the job section in the paper and I came across an article on a volunterr sewing organisation which I thought was cool.

Then it hit me. I love sewing. I should learn to sew on an industrial sewing machine and get a sewing job.

It would be perfect and it's the only type of job I actually like the idea of doing. 

So I looked up some courses and there's one down the road from me! I have savings to pay for it without a student loan (It will be the last of my savings but it may be worth it) WINZ will be off my back for 6 months which gives me more time in my flat... and I like the idea of becoming a good sewer!

So that's the agenda! Might not happen till next year, but that's the plan!

And Janet contemplates life again

Started working on some more bags. I'm trying out a smaller sized this time, think I've done enough of the big ones. Think the school holidays kinda got me out of the routine of making them so I'm slowly getting into it again. (Had a few signs jobs in the mean time to keep me busy though).

I also have an appointment with WINZ (work and income) next week and somehow I have to convince them i AM working... even though I don't seem to make much money. Prayers appreciated.

Or should I just go out and get some dead end job I don't enjoy? Am I just kidding myself with this work from home thing? I've never really been that successful with it. And am I trying to live a dream that's not really for me? What IS my purpose? Apparently everyone has one. So what's mine? What am I here for? (oh the imponderables!) And is money the assurance that I'm doing the right thing? (The old question,... does money = success?)

And what is the meaning of life?? , haha, jokes. (But really, what is it?)

Guy Fawks... on the roof!

Bought some more beautiful 70s pottery today at the Op shop for a couple of bucks a pop. It's making me really want to try out my potters wheel!

BTW, check out some lovely pottery pieces here from someone whos just started!

And a friend went to Bali recently and brought back that purple lava lava, so I put it on the wall. Slightly tacky? Doesn't really matter. I scored a 1 out of 20 for hospitality in a spiritual gifts text recently, so obviously I don't set my flat up to please people!

And oh my goodness. I think I've created a new tradition. Because I decided to save money and spend Guy Fawks night with friends (which they had on Saturday instead), when the actual night came along, last night (Tuesday), I told Catherine we would climb onto our roof to watch them! It was really just to add a bit of excitement so she wouldn't ask me to buy fireworks, and WOW! it WAS exciting and the view is amazing from our roof. Who knew? The pictures couldn't do it justice. Pitch black with lights and fireworks all over the horizon. And although it bucketed down with rain and we had to get down so we didn't slip on the tin (!) I definitely want to give it a go next year and if it doesn't rain try and get some decent pictures. 

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PS. When I say "our house" I tend to alternate between meaning my Mum's house which I grew up in ), or my little flat which is just across the road from Mums.Just to confuse things!

Compliments

I was chopping more wood today, and our neighbour popped his head over the fence and goes, "Who's doing some work? You chopping wood by hand? You're doing a good job!"

Of course I felt pretty good after that.

I don't know what it is about male affirmation, but it always makes me feel pretty good.

I can remember every time a guy has  complimented me on my work. Like the plumber who I heard asking my Mum if I was the one who signwrote Catherine's bedroom walls. Or my Uncle telling some accountant type people that I was a very independent girl. Or even the young guy who came in to fix our tap and said I'd done the right thing by wrapping some cotton fabric around the pipe thread.

And for some reason it means alot coming from tradesmen. I have such a high regard for them for some reason. If a hard working tradey tells me I'm alright, or even just gives me an approving look, I grow another foot!

Now the type I don't really like is the "christian" compliment. Especially when you hear sermons on how we have to encourage each other, and if you think someones a rat-bag, tell them they're great and maybe they'll live up to it. In fact it almost makes you angry to get that sort of "encouragement".

But I had a really awesome compliment the other day. A friend who was not trying to 'encourage' me, told me I was hard working!  That really meant alot to me. I don't think I've ever been told that in my life, and of all the compliments I could get, that would have to be one of the best!

Wood

Well, I don't know how long I've been chopping this wood for, a couple of months maybe? But I've finally put a dent in the pile,

see?....

which is why our whole property is overgrown, and our vege garden looks like this..

I guess I can't really complain about the self-seeding daisies. They are pretty.

And I just noticed this. Wandering Dew... the bane of my life. Theyre like the un-dead of the plant world. You can't kill them...

but they have pretty flowers don't they? 

Odd.

Waaaaa! Take me here!

See more images here at Moon to Moon.

Were into our second day of school term again , but we had a really good holiday in the last 2 weeks. First we visited Teresa at her new home in Whangarei...

...then stopped off at Dargaville to visit the Lappins, old family friends.

In fact it was so good I've hardly been on Facebook at all since I got back. Just can't be bothered with it. I mean after being around this, who would want to??

And check out the beach on their doorstep. 

It goes that far in either direction.

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But one thing about being back. I'm trying to perfect applique for when I make Catherine dancing costumes... so I practiced on a Super Hero cape for our church Light party.

And after basting it on (thanks for the tip Peg) it worked out really well! Actually I'm really pleased with it, and it only took two evenings, which is ok... worth the final outcome.

How I see myself

The way I see myself, when I'm alone, is something along the lines of this...



or maybe this...



Probably because I grew up close to my Dad and we had the same taste in movies and books. Old boys adventure books and westerns.

Then I met Catherines Dad, who wanted me to be like this...

 so I acted that way to please him. (That's not a photo of me by the way!)

But it's not who I am. I don't feel one hundred percent comfortable around men anymore because of that. I feel like I know what's on their minds... which I hate.

And I can't relate to the women who don't feel like women coz they can't have kids. I just don't get that.( I have XX chromosomes... I'm a girl!!) or like that Fleetwood Mac song... "make me a woman tonight"... like EW! having sex is gonna make you a woman? Yuck. Can't relate.

I hope one day I can shed some of the garbage that was forced onto me in my twenties and just be who I am.

 Haha.

(Did I mention evey time I chop wood I feel like this guy?? I LOVED that movie!!)

Daydreaming

I love New Zealand, but I've heard it's one of the most expensive places to live in the world. Especially the food. We are a rural country. We have more sheep than people and yet we pay through the nose for Lamb, and milk..holey moly... over 3 bucks for a bottle? My friend went to Europe and said you could buy massive cheeses and bottles of quality wine for next to nothing in Italy. And the rent....Im in a little brick 2 bedroom flat and I pay $320 a week! It's not even nice and I'm not even allowed to put a nail in the wall without my landlords permission. Like, literally... it's in my contract. Did I mention I get inspections every 3 months? They come in and take photos. It sucks.
Which leads to complaint number 2... the regulations in New Zealand have gone crazy!! You can't do anything without a permit. It's gone to the bloody extreme. We  on't even be able to paint our houses without a permit soon. We definitely can't even put up a blimmin fence now without one. The guy I picked up my potters wheel said, "We won't even be able to take a s##t without a permit soon".

Which leads my mind to wander off to other countries. Are there really artistic type people living in little flats for next to nothing, where they can stick things in the wall , or even paint it, and the landlord doesnt mind? Where you can live like this???



Image from Moon to Moon.

Oh my gosh this is SO   ME! This is from the Moon to Moon blog. Honestly, sometimes I want to cry when I see some of these homes. And I don't get teary easily... like right now I can't even remember the last time I cried, but these pictures choke me up. This is all I could want and more. I've already told God that when I die and go to heaven I want to go live in a Hippy comune, and have a bohemian existence.

No sugar diet, part 2

Well 8 weeks ago I joined The Biggest Looser at church and so ends my eight weeks without sugar. I totally thought Id blits the competition. I mean, c'mon... NO SUGAR. And guess how much I lost? A measely 0.4 kg. Yes... point four of a kg. Not even 1 kilogram.
Now I ask the question... the 8 week challenge is over... but I have formed some good habbits. Do I continue on because no sugar has got to be good for my body, or do I go back to sugar in my tea, chocolate and sugary cereal because it's yummy, comforting and I didn't even loose a kg, so what's the point dammit?
I'm thinking half and half. I little bit of sugar here and there, but stick to hot cups of water in the morning and no sugar in my tea (milo). Even if it doesn't show on the scales, a low-sugar diet is probably good for me in the long run.

What if I die....

I've been having these thoughts lately. Like what if I die, and one of three people who occasionally read my blog and that actually know me in real life too, spread the URL to my blog on the day of my funeral...and every body I know reads what an insecure, self-absorbed bragging idiot I actually was!

And have I shared things too personal? Should I go back and delete all the cringe worthy posts? I really have been using this blog to vent.(in the past).. coz nobody really knows who I am... except as I said... about 3 people who actually do and could spread it around!!

I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok, got a big peppermint that lasts all day...

um... that's from an old tv ad...but check this out! This is how much wood I've chopped with an axe in 3 weeks. I've been doing it at the end of the day for no more than half an hour. (And probably no more than 3 times a week)...

And this is how much I've got to go...

And why am I bragging? Because it's a bit like a lumberjack finding out he could tapdance. I never thought I could chop such big pieces. I'm not done with the pile, and it will probably take me about 3 months to get through at this rate, but my hopes are high.

I'd like to add, at first I felt a twinge of self pity, untill I realised that other people spend $700 a year on gym memberships and this is free. I may even get to sell the wood, although the hippie in me wants to give it all away and make the world a better place.

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And on an equally self indulgent note... I have nets!!! I've wanted these since I moved in a year and half ago!

I took down the bubble wrap we used for insulation. I can't tell you if it was effective because we had the mildest winter here since 1908! buy I can tell you it stopped the condensation, which was a bonus. And now I have nets and don't have to wave awkwardly at people as they walk past my window hehe!

(And I saved up my pennys. Literally. In a jar!!) I love thrifty living!!

Say what?

I didn't suffer the most???? Ok. Dumb thing to say, I know. Considering the bigger picture of history, and all the unbelievable suffering that's gone on. People living and dying in slavery for example (That still happens by the way).
BUT. In my defense, you become like the people you hang out with, and Catherine's Dad's stupid attitudes have really rubbed off on me and I'm really trying to change them!!
Once, early on in our relationship I mentioned to him how lucky we were to live in New Zealand. (My Dad always brought me up to realise how privilidged I was, even to have running water in our taps), and you know what he said? "I think I'm suffering worse than them"!!
So bare with me when I say stupid, uninsightful things.. I'm try to change.. it's just a slow, slow process!!!

Other Peoples Stories

Well, as I like to slip into every other conversation. I had skitzophrenia for 7 years..and it was bad. But I've been well for a while now, and you know, maybe it's time to just get over it. This is the first year in a long time that I've been able to develope new friendships, and I've been learning that everyone has a story.
And I've been learning to listen to them without even thinking "thats nothing buddy, try what I had for 5 minutes".
And I have friends whose hard times are continuing right now.
I have a friend who's life is shattered from a husband cheating on her and leaving her with 2 kids to look after. One they adopted together, and one that took ten years to concieve.
Another who's husband's grumpy reactions have grown into hitting her in the face so she turns up on my doorstep with a big fat lip. (We dealt with that... we told his bible study teacher and they jumped right into the situtation)
One friend is 40 and struggles to read or spell the most basic of words because of the violent child hood she had.

So I didn't struggle the most and I don't have to go around always pointing out how bad I had it. In fact the first 21 years of my life were like heaven itself and now I'm starting to enjoy the part of life that's the most important part any how. Friendship.

Holy Moly I can't make up my mind!! Now I have a friend who wants to start up a handmade business with me... so do I do it and really quit my signwriting business or not?

And I've been trying not to blog about the inner workings of my deep and meaningful mind lately, but I can tell you I've been improving. For years of not wanting to love money as much as I do.. I went into WINZ today and they told me they're slashing my benifit by another $40..... and you know what? I didn't bat an eyelid. I realised that when you love money it's gonna kick you in the pants. I've been trying to figure out what Jesus meant when He said that life is more than the food you eat and the clothes you wear.

Just to love life... what does that mean in practical terms?